First Week of Summer Break

I left Knoxville last Wednesday. My last day was a classic mad dash to get all of the details, paperwork, and lingering last homework completed. Classically, I didn't get it all done until two days later (last Friday). The first few nights I slept like balls, felt my usual traveling, restless road weariness, and blamed it all on not being fully done with my homework and lingering last bit of grading. I've been done now for almost a full week and I'm still struggling with long time traveling companion- sleep deprivation.

One of the upsides to having become so well acquainted with having to function while not feeling fully rested, is simply that I can do it. I know how to motor through. I know how to push past. I know how to keep moving. Problem is, I pretty much have to. I need to develop better sleep hygiene. Really I need to develop better hygiene across the board. Being a therapist in training- it has already become clear to me how critical disciplined maintenance is.

On this hygienic note, I should say that it's perfect that I'm sitting slouched in my chair, hair looking like I literally rolled out of my bed and into my chair (somehow managing to become clothed in the rolling out process), and my teeth feeling strangely sensitive in their new post-cavity repaired state. One of my favorite Zen-Buddhism one liners comes to mind- "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything." So pointedly and piercingly true.

I found out on Monday that I had four cavities. Now, I have, in 28 years of life, never had a cavity. This is has long been a source of pride for me. I tell people with a small smirk that I oftentimes only brush once before bed, don't floss, and yet have managed to achieve this seemingly incredible dental feat. I should also say that I don't eat much sugar and live an otherwise mostly healthy lifestyle. However, to follow the logic of my fave one-liner, I have always been someone who does just enough to get by. I fly by the seat of my pants.

It's not that I'm not capable of being disciplined or doing more than just the bare minimum. I think of another one of my favorite one-liners- "the number one rule of human behavior is that we things because we can". And on that note, I know that I do life this way not only because it's how I've done things for a long time, but (and as a part of how I'm sure it started in the first place) I've done it because I can. What the hell is my point?

I guess I'm realizing how for me it still takes being told I have cavities in my teeth in order to start flossing. It takes realizing how my sleeplessness is something rooted in my own poor sleep hygiene (not something that can be blamed on the unfinished business of school). I'm still a stubborn fart who has to be smacked over the head in order to wake up.

This all makes me think of yet another one of my favorite quips. This one is from the "Red Green Show". It's the man prayer:

I'm a man. But I can change...I think...maybe.